I have WON

I have won. I have won the battle with the SELF. I have honored the beauty of my BEING. I have done it.

By acknowledging it to me, by seeing that there was another way. I have been brave and courageous and I still persisted. I worked at this thing of KNOWING myself until I was tired, so very tired, until I gave it all away.

And then I ALLOWED for a NEW WAY to enter my BEING.I allowed my hopes, my dreams, my prayers to assist me once again, I acknowledged that that I didn’t know it all and that I needed to work co-creatively and if I allowed myself to LISTEN with my heart, with my soul and I found the path back to LOVING. Loving all things about myself.

I look in wonder at how far I’ve come and how much I have grown and blossomed.

This to shall pass

Everyone consoles me saying that don't worry, Be strong. This to shall pass.

But when?

When can i start pretending that I'm happy?
When can i start living my life the way i want ?
When can i start being myself again?
When can i start believing in optimism?

I seem to have been moving on but haven't left the past entirely.

Let me say what i want to say even if you don't know what I'm talking about. Let me say it hurts to consciously lose yourself in the mundane routines of life when your life could have been so much than mundane. It hurts to live each day thinking of a tomorrow that's no better.

You may not know what it feels like to look at the world and think where you fit in it because the space you occupied no longer exists. I will tell u it feels lonely. It feels lonely to have nobody with you to dream the things that u have dream't of , or to tell you they will come true.There is no solace in knowing it could have been different if somebody wanted it to be.

I can wipe others tears but i can no longer cry. How do you cry for what you can never have? The heart, it weeps. But the eyes can only stare in empty silence. And there isn't even a future to look at.